auribus teneo lupum.

seven years

i entered through those gates

a wounded animal

looking for a safe place

to lick and placate

i found comfort in

thinking myself the master of control

unbeknownst to me

another fallacy

it took me seven years

to erase his name from my throat

and now? all for naught again

what’s healed me of one thing

has destroyed me of another

i’m so tired

improving my use of spanish has proven to be an issue as now my intrusive thoughts persist in dual language

betrayal

the only language known to man

utter your final pleas

as you watch the world slip through your hands

blame it on me

for not feeding your flame

as your rage built this wall between us

brick to fucking frame

i neglect to fan your ego

but you reject me from your steeple

i’ve loved a count or two

none ever unholy as you

strigoi, you take everything from me

burn my body before you move onto the next one

i don’t want to turn like you

will you forgive me

for what i intend to do?

“moses owes you big time”

that isn’t the way the world works

as you know, as you well can see

so how much are you indebted me?

knowledge is power

where truth is pain

i am free now

i’ve been released

each day with the semblance of healing and normalcy implodes on itself by sunrise.

my blood ran arctic out of dead sleep.

feverish yet trembling.

he’s either a victim or despicable monster.

either way, he’s in my bed.

drowning

if the next words out of your mouth

don’t pierce my soul

and bleed out the last dribbles

of my faith in man

i’ll know you’re still lying

the truth would set my bones

to healing in their place

the gods had never planned

for this crooked body

i know you’re lying

and in save of what? face?

in hopes i wake to forget her name?

you gambled trust on the wrong whore

what grace, in keeping secrets safe

and now you’ve lost everything

and in the end you’ll claim nature demands

but how could you be bored on this earth

with all we are due to withstand?

you’ve already reaped in your hands

so now father commands:

eat your forbidden fruit

what pride from someone so dumb

i can’t even call it hubris

thank you for proving me right

one last time

now please seek help

else kill yourself

i’m not enough

to the incubus bent on lust

what did i marry into?

vowing more than i bestow

and you’ll leave me with nothing

again

how many pirouettes on a spring

expected from the turn of this key

wind it tight

let it rip

blow up your head real big

on any lash to bat a wink

in spite of blink

close your eyes to think

you’re getting blown real limp

to the edge of the earth, and beyond

is where we should’ve gone

had you just let me in

but you made depth feel like a sin

to the edge of the earth, and off

is where i fell from

alone and in love

but seven years, and still here, from the ether

dreaming of forgotten photographs

on a white wicker headboard

who do these thoughts serve, when i sleep?

you should know: it isn’t me

but here i am, something to write about;

wherever you are, something to seethe

the parallelism of quiet quitting

and what i’m about to do

unless best intention slipped

accidental into the past

then perhaps i’ll get the pink slip soon

it feels like quitting quietly;

isn’t that what you call it

when she’s overworked

and under laid?

i’d give anything just to crave

all the sage sapients have asked:

“now what’s a girl to do?”

fifteen foolish years of chronic commital

and i wish i knew

the reliability of morrow’s sobering dawn

to erase what the night begets

ere i wake, to forget

the boy who blocked his own shot

the difference between you and Jess is that he only waited a year, where you waited three. what did you expect?

seasonal manic boredom is bad for a starving ego, and monogamy.